WAR  

       Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.  "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Yitzhak down in Tel Aviv, Israel. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
     Well, Yitzhak," Saddam replied, "this is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
     At this moment in time," said Yitzhak after a moment's calculation, there is me, my cousin Saul, my next-door neighbor Shlomo, and the entire pinochle team from the deli-that makes eight!"
     Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Yitzhak, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
     "Oy vey!" said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back!"
     Sure enough, the next day Yitzhak rang back. "Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
     And what equipment would that be, Yitzhak?" Saddam asked.
     "Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Goldberg's tractor from the kibbutz."
     Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Yitzhak, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to one and a half million since we last spoke."
     "Really?" said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back!"
     Sure enough, Yitzhak rang again the next day. "Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne!  We've modified Moshe's ultra light with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
     Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Yitzhak that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MIG-19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to two million."
     "Oy gevalt!", said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back."
     Sure enough, Yitzhak called again the next day. "Right, Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
     "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"    
     "Well," said Yitzhak, "we've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."