President to wear flight suit at all public functions

July 7, 2003

Washington President Bush made remarks at the annual Congressional Picnic on the South Lawn yesterday wearing the flight suit that he donned for his historic landing on the USS Lincoln in May. White House officials said that the President would wear the suit at every public function until Election Day in 2004.

Advisers said that the decision was made based on the success of Bushs flight to the aircraft carrier and the lengthy discussion it spurred on how macho, studly, and hung it made the President look.

To be honest, the idea came to us because he was already wearing the flight suit around the residence and at all his meetings. Theres a rumor that he even sleeps in it, a White House source said. So we knew it made him feel comfortable, and we knew the positive reaction it got with soccer-moms and homosexuals around the country.

Meanwhile, pundits were busy praising the President and his aides decision on cable television.

Not only does he have every womans vote in the United States of America, but he has the envy of every man in the country. Size does count, and everyone at the annual Congressional Picnic got a real treat, G. Gordon Liddy said on MSNBCs Hardball. Oh mama, just look at his package! Put the children to bed!