PRESIDENT WELCOMES ESTEEMED YALE CLASSMATES TO WHITE HOUSE SOUTH LAWN FOR FUN-FILLED DAY OF ORGIASTIC BACKSLAPPING, WASP DOMINANCE, AND NON-FAGGY ELEPHANT WALKS
Statement by the President

THE PRESIDENT: My fellow Yale 68'ers, welcome to the Gamma Omega Pi fraternity HQ we like to call the White House! Five, six, seven eight - who do we appreciate?

CLASS OF '68: BULLDOGS! BULLDOGS! BULLDOGS!

THE PRESIDENT: That's right! How the hell are you boys? It's great to see you. Make yourselves comfy. Mi Casa Blanca es tu Casa Blanca. And I don't mean that figuratively either. Because without your vast personal fortunes earned off the stooped backs of state-schooled, luggage-hued insect people, the humble "C" student you see standing before you would still be slumming it with those sorry-assed rodeo monkeys back in Texas. (Applause.)

I really appreciate you boys coming down here and saving me the trip up to New Haven. Sorry for the inconvenience, but because Karl has invested a boatload of time in passing me off as coming from the heartland, he won't - excuse me, don't - let me be photographed in my blue-blooded Connecticut birthplace. True, I know today won't be the same without group projectile vomiting in the trough urinal at Mory's Temple Bar, but I've cooked up a little reunion itinerary that I think y'all are gonna enjoy anyhoo. So let's hit it!

(Executes Flawless Presidential Back Flip After Farting Into a Cheerleader's Megaphone.)

CLASS OF '68: Boola boola! Boola boola! Boola boola!