Bush blames lower figure on "typo".
By Andy Borowitz
day after asking Congress for $87 billion to fund continuing military operations in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere, President
George W. Bush revised that number upwards, asking instead for $87 zillion.
""When I said $87 billion, I meant $87
zillion,"" Mr. Bush said at the White House today, blaming a ""typo"" in the text of his speech for the lower figure he stated
Mr. Bush said that when he viewed a tape of his speech, he realized that he had ""messed up big-time""
by quoting the $87 billion figure, which he referred to today as ""chump change.""
While Congress is expected to go
along with Mr. Bush's request for the multizillion-dollar funding, it is not expected to do so without first asking how the
$87 zillion will be spent.
""For one thing, when the President says that the money is going to cover military action
in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere, it would be nice to know what he means by 'elsewhere,'"" said Senator Chuck Schumer (D-
NY). ""If he means Saudi Arabia, he's got my vote."
While refusing to specify what he meant by elsewhere, Mr. Bush
said that the zillions would be used to fight terrorists in Iraq, telling reporters, ""According to what my people tell me,
the cost of fighting terror now runs about one billion dollars per terrorist.""
As for Mr. Bush's domestic agenda,
including prescription benefits for the elderly, upgrading the power grid, and fixing Medicare, the President said that the
cost of those programs would be paid for by threatening Iran and North Korea.
Borowitz appears regularly on PBS and NPR's Weekend Edition. Andys website is BorowitzReport.com