26 September 2001
JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks
on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na'ar,
"I was promised I would spend eternity in Paradise, being fed honeyed
cakes by 67 virgins in a tree-lined garden, if only I would fly the airplane into one of the Twin Towers," said Mohammed Atta,
one of the hijackers of American Airlines Flight 11, between attempts to vomit up the wasps, hornets, and live coals infesting
his stomach. "But instead, I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit. Is this to be my reward for
destroying the enemies of my faith?"
The rest of Atta's words turned to raw-throated shrieks, as a tusked,
asp-tongued demon burst his eyeballs and drank the fluid that ran down his face.
According to Hell sources, the 19 eternally damned terrorists have struggled
to understand why they have been subjected to soul-withering, infernal torture ever since their Sept. 11 arrival.
"There was a tumultuous conflagration of burning steel and fuel at our
gates, and from it stepped forth these hijackers, the blessed name of the Lord already turning to molten brass on their accursed
lips," said Iblis The Thrice-Damned, the cacodemon charged with conscri! pting new arrivals into the ranks of the forgotten.
"Indeed , I do not know what they were expecting, but they certainly didn't seem prepared to be skewered from eye socket to
bunghole and then placed on a spit so that their flesh could be roasted by the searing gale of flatus which issues forth from
the haunches of Asmoday."
"Which is strange when you consider the evil with which they ended their
lives and those of so many others," added Iblis, absentmindedly twisting the limbs of hijacker Abdul Aziz Alomari into unspeakably
"I was told that these Americans were enemies of the one true religion,
and that Heaven would be my reward for my noble sacrifice," said Alomari, moments before his jaw was sheared away by faceless
homunculi. "But now I am forced to suckle from the 16 poisoned leathern teats of Gophahmet, Whore of Betrayal, until I burst
from an unwholesome engorgement of curdled bile. This must be some sort of terrible mistak! e.&quo t;
Exacerbating the terrorists' tortures, which include being hollowed out
and used as prophylactics by thorn-cocked Gulbuth The Rampant, is the fact that they will be forced to endure such suffering
in sight of the Paradise they were expecting.
"It might actually be the most painful thing we can do, to show these
murderers the untold pleasures that would have awaited them in Paradise, if only they had lived pious lives," said Praxitas,
Duke of Those Willingly Led Astray. "I mean, it's tough enough being forced through a wire screen by the callused palms of
Halcorym and then having your entrails wound onto a stick and fed to the toothless, foul-breathed swine of Gehenna. But to
endure that while watching the righteous drink from a river of wine? That can't be fun."
Underworld officials said they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment
for the terrorists.
"Eventually, we'll settle on an eterna l and unending
task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them.
The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow,
their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that,
they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan
gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."