Faced with an anxious and unruly populace, the leader of the Free Markets issued his commandments for returning economic
stability to unstable markets. By executive order, the commandments shall be posted in public places throughout the land.
These commandments are:
Thou shalt place no others before me, not Dick, Condi, Karen or Dad. And certainly not Gore.
There shalt be no images of me that make me look unpresidential. I work in the Oval Office, which makes me very presidential.
Thou shalt not take the name Halliburton or Harken in vain or the thunder of Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh shall
descend upon thee and make thee an ass.
Thou shalt remember and keep sacred my naptime. Thou shalt honor it with quiet and make no jokes.
Honor thy CEO, CFO, board of directors, and bankers so that they may acquire much wealth through a long life of creative
Thou shalt not kill tax-free corporate havens in Bermuda, for they allow corporate PACs to honor me with their multitudinous
Thou shalt not need to commit adultery with accountants as long as thou can offer multi-million dollar consulting fees.
Thou shalt not steal pens, papers, office supplies, or employee pension funds (wink wink nudge nudge).
Thou shalt not bear witness against thy CEO, CFO, auditor or board if thou practice timely and prudent shredding backed
by the well-placed, simple statement: "I do not recall."
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's compensation, stock options, golden parachute or trophy wife because thou shalt
get them if thou worship me and honor me with donations aplenty.