Political Humor 2



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Bushism Alert: "A lot of times in the rhetoric, people forget the facts. And the facts are that thousands of small businesses Hispanically owned or otherwise pay taxes at the highest marginal rate." George W. Bush, speaking to the  Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, March 19, 2001

 "(Yogi Berra's) been an inspiration to me not only because of his baseball skills but, of course, for the enduring mark he left on the English language. Some of the press corps even think he might be my speechwriter." George W. Bush, hosting baseball Hall of Famers at the White House

"If they would read it closely they would see I'm using the transitive plural tense so the word 'is' are correct." George W. Bush, explaining at the Radio & TV Correspondents Dinner the brilliance behind his infamous remark "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

"It is a very complicated economic point I was making there. Believe me, what this country needs is taller pie." George W. Bush, explaining what he meant when he said "We ought to make the pie higher"

"You see, anyone can give you a coherent sentence. But this takes you to an entirely new dimension." George W. Bush, reflecting on his remark "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully"

Bushism Alert: "I've coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically." George W. Bush, who meant to say "misunderestimated"

"In my sentences I go where no man has gone before." George W. Bush

"Those stories about my intellectual capacity do get under my skin. You know for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence briefing.'" George W. Bush, at the 2000 Gridiron dinner

"A hobby I enjoy is mapping the human genome. I hope one day I can clone another Dick Cheney. Then I won't have to do anything." George W. Bush, at the Gridiron dinner

"You know all those press organizations that have been doing a recount in Florida? Well, you won." George W. Bush, to former presidential candidate Ralph Nader, at the Gridiron Dinner

"Are you with the Chinese press? Your English is perfect. You speak better English than I do." George W. Bush, to a Chinese reporter

Bushism alert: "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." George W. Bush, Feb. 21, 2001

"I'm getting tired of (George W. Bush's) picture on the front page. He kisses everybody that gets within reach. I think it was because of his success with Oprah. Former senator/presidential candidate Eugene McCarthy

"As long as you only give him the tops and not the stalks, and especially if it has a great cheese sauce." First Lady Laura Bush, on how to get her husband to eat his broccoli

"President George W. Bush will appear tonight on Bob Costas' show talking about baseball. Finally, a subject he knows something about. Bush is a huge baseball fan well, duh. A sport where millionaires work two hours a day? That's the story of his life."  Jay Leno

"I find the language of George W. much more offensive." Madonna, on rapper Eminem

"George W. Bush celebrated one month as president of the United States. Let me tell you something, things are starting to look pretty bleak for Al Gore." David Letterman

"The Pentagon announced yesterday that U.S. and British planes had struck Iraqi air defense sites south of Baghdad. Defense officials say the president wanted to send a clear message to the Iraqi government that he knows exactly where Iraq is." Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Today President Bush ordered an investigation into whether it is appropriate to have civilians with no experience running a Navy sub. Hey, how about an investigation into whether it's appropriate to have a civilian with no experience running the country?" Jay Leno

"Navy officials confirmed yesterday that a Texas oil magnate named John Hall was at the controls of the USS Greenville when it struck a Japanese fishing boat last week. Apparently Hall was participating in the Navy's 'Take Your Billionaire To Work Day.'" Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

Bushism alert: "We're concerned about AIDS inside our White House make no mistake about it." George W. Bush, Feb. 7, 2001 



"Doctors say that Cheney's heart is not in very good shape, and they are thinking of replacing it one day with a donor heart. That's why they keep Bush around for the heart. Why do you think they've got Bush running every day?" Jay Leno

"It was so boring, Monica got up from under the podium and left." From David Letterman's "Top Ten Answers To The Question, 'How Boring Was George W. Bush's Speech?'"

"President Bush's daughter Jenna bailed a boyfriend out of jail Sunday after he was arrested at a TCU fraternity party for public drunkenness. Her parents wept when they heard. It reminded them so much of their first date." Comedian Argus Hamilton

"That he publicly apologize for performing at George W. Bush's Inauguration, and if he confirms that when he danced next to George W. Bush at the Inauguration, he could smell brimstone and that George W. Bush is in fact the spawn of Satan. Otherwise, no deal." Moby's condition for performing with singer Ricky Martin

"Last night George W. Bush was giving his first televised address to the joint Houses of Congress. Meanwhile, up at Columbia University, Al Gore was saying, 'Who wants to come up here and erase the board." David Letterman

"It was pretty exciting so exciting that, at one point, Dick Cheney sat up in his gurney." David Letterman, on Bush's address to Congress

"Earlier tonight, President George Bush delivered his first address before joint houses of Congress and I believe the speech went over pretty well. It was interrupted 97 times by applause, and it was interrupted three times by Dick Cheney's heart attacks." David Letterman

"I thought this was nice. This will probably become a tradition with Bush. As he entered the chamber to deliver his speech, he was high-fived by the Supreme Court." David Letterman

"Last night was a very special evening at the White House. And I'm pleased to say that none of the silverware is missing." Dick Cheney, on the Republican Governor's Association White House dinner

"Tomorrow night, Speaker Hastert and I will be sitting above the rostrum as the president presents his budget. Hopefully, we won't overshadow the evening with our charisma." Dick Cheney, on Bush's first address to Congress